Home > prose and poetry > oh, kau mahu jadi melayu?

oh, kau mahu jadi melayu?

boleh, boleh! siapa kata tak boleh?

pertama, tinggalkan kepercayaan lama anda yang bodoh dan sesat itu! lihatlah keliling anda dan fikir: bagaimana lagi dunia ini boleh wujud kalau bukan dicipta oleh allah? sedarlah, wahai umat, dan jangan persoalkan ini lagi! tuhan itu satu, dan namanya allah! tak lain dan tak bukan!

kedua, biasakan diri dengan menganggap diri anda dan bangsa anda mempunyai kelebihan dan hak istimewa sebagai bumiputera, walaupun sebenarnya anda bukanlah penduduk asal tanah melayu ini! anggap diri anda sebagai lebih hebat, lebih megah, lebih berhak untuk menerima pelbagai jenis kelebihan dan kemudahan daripada orang-orang cina dan india yang bodoh, hodoh, tidak mempunyai semangat kenegaraan serta tidak beragama islam yang menetap di negara melayu ini.

ketiga, berhenti berfikir! tiada gunanya berfikir! kita tidak boleh berfikir, kerana berfikir bukan sahaja “unislamic” tetapi juga boleh membawa kepada gejala-gejala buruk seperti mempersoalkan hak istimewa orang melayu, kedaulatan raja dan negara, keluhuan perlebmagaan dan lain-lain lagi! jangan sekali pun mempersoalkan apa-apa, tutup minda anda! ingat, walaupun frasa “close-minded” sering digunakan dalam segi negatif, ia bukanlah sesuatu yang buruk. malah, “close-mindedness” itulah yang perlu anda kejar! jika rakan anda hendak ajak anda bermain di dalam sebuah kugiran “metal” dan anda terus mengatakan “ish! tak boleh! tak elok tu!”, raikanlah kejayaan anda melepasi halangan ketiga ini pula! tetapi ingat, banyak perkara yang anda tidak boleh buat ketika meraikan kejayaan anda kerana, jangan lupa, anda orang melayu!

keempat, dan ini berkait rapat dengan langkah ketiga, anda perlu memupuk sikap konservatif di dalam diri anda. ikut sahaja, jangan berbeza, jangan “underground!” sentiasa fikirkan apa akan orang katakan jika anda melakukan sesuatu yang sedikit pun terkeluar daripada landasan sosial dan moral yang telah ditetapkan, mudah-mudahan ini akan menahan anda daripada melakukan perkara-perkara keji tersebut! apabila perkara pertama yang anda fikirkan ketika terfikir untuk menindik telinga anda adlah “ish, malulah… nanti apa la orang kata,” anda bolehlah tidur dengan lena kerana… ya! anda semakin hampir menjadi melayu!

oh, ya, saya lupa sebutkan tentang perkara ini ketika mengulaskan langkah kedua tadi, jadi saya akan jadikan ini langkah kelima. kelima, pupuklah sikap perkauman di dalam diri anda. tidak cukup sekadar menganggap bangsa anda lebih bagus daripada bangsa lain, malah anda perlu memupuk sifat tidak percaya dan sentiasa sangsi terhadap bangsa lain, terutama cina-cina bangsat dan berlagak itu. jika rakan anda menjual lensa kamera lamanya kepada orang cina, kutuklah beliau dengan mengatakan “apa ni! jual kat orang cina! tolong orang melayu lah beb!”, walaupun anda tahu di dalam hati anda bahawa orang melayu sangat memilih (ataupun “songel,” ikut suka yang mana anda lebih sukakan), suka minta potongan harga yang merepek serta gemar mengungkit perkara yang tersangatlah kecil dalam usaha mencapai potongan harga yang sangat-sangat diharapkan itu.

setelah mengubah diri dan kehidupan anda mengikut kelima-lima perkara yang saya sebutkan tadi, bagaimana perasaan anda? gembira? …tidak? teruja? …tidak? bangga? …tidak juga? oh, ya, adakah anda terasa seperti orang bodoh? ya? bagus! itulah sebenarnya perkara yang paling penting! menjadi orang yang bodoh!

sampai di sini sajalah untuk kali ini… tetapi janganlah bersedih, kerana di dalam isu berikutnya saya akan kembali dengan lebih banyak lagi tips-tips untuk membantu anda menjadi lebih melayu, terutamanya cara menipu diri anda sendiri supaya mempercayai bahawa pendapat anda dan rakan-rakan bumiputera anda sentiasa betul walaupun anda tahu di dalam hati anda sebenarnya pendapat-pendapat anda dan mereka teramatlah salah!

jumpa lagi!

Offended? Good!

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Categories: prose and poetry
  1. nihau
    Dec 1, 2008 at 13:03

    kau ni boleh kot janagn nak dok kondem. boleh dak? kau tgk ic kau, tatap ic kau tu. kau la antara orang yang aku kenal yang tak pernah bersyukur. syukur la sikit, dont play with religion.

  2. Dec 1, 2008 at 13:47

    aku minta maaf banyak-banyak kerana menulis tentang perkara-perkara yang benar. ye la, aku tau, aku tak patut. aku patut hanya menceritakan perkara yang manis, tidak benar dan sedap didengar dan dibaca sahaja. ye la. lain kali aku tak buat dah. ampun tuanku!

    aku tak pilih nama aku. aku tak pilih untuk jadi orang melayu. aku tak pilih alamat aku. semua benda kat IC aku bukan pilihan aku. ya, memang, kita semua memang tak ada suara pun dalam perkara-perkara tersebut, tetapi itu tak bermakna aku kena terima semua benda kat dalam IC aku macam orang buta menerima derma rm0.50. tak. kalau kau nak cakap pasal tuhan, tuhan berikan kita semua akal. untuk berfikir. mata. untuk melihat. telinga. untuk mendengar. aku lihat, aku dengar, aku perhati. dan aku memang tak suka langsung dengan apa yang aku lihat, dengar dan perhatikan.

    hanya kerana aku melayu (ikutkan hati memang tak nak pun) tak semestinya aku kena berfikiran “OH AKU TAK BOLEH KUTUK ORANG MELAYU SEBAB AKU MELAYU JUGAK OH AKU KENA SOKONG ORANG MELAYU AKU KENA TERIMA SEGALA KEBODOHAN MEREKA.”

    ada satu perkataan sahaja untuk orang yang berfikiran macam tu.

    mula dengan “b.” lima huruf. cuba fikirkan.

    oh, tak dapat?

    bodoh.

  3. Dec 2, 2008 at 21:43

    wel,i think he is not playing…he is literally condemning people who set the laws for the race and religion…cos he didn’t refer to anything about the Quran.

    p/s:thx.

  4. Dec 2, 2008 at 22:27

    You might need to use Bahasa if you want that idiot from the first comment to understand you.

  5. nihau
    Dec 6, 2008 at 21:44

    you are a loser, for pointing out things that you are unsure and stupid about.

    you are a loser, ahahahahaha. loser indeed.

  6. Dec 6, 2008 at 21:57

    Wah!

    I didn’t expect you to understand English!

    Also, haha, I didn’t know children read my blog.

    Shoo, shoo. This is no place for children.

    You’re the idiot for believing in stupid shit. You’re the idiot

    IDIOT

    IDIOT

    IDIOT

    AHAHA IDIOT

    You see, I can play that game too!

  7. Dec 6, 2008 at 22:00

    Also, it’s easy to know when I’m right:

    It’s when people like you resort to saying things like that in the light of my obviously superior logic and common sense.

  8. Comrade El
    Dec 7, 2008 at 00:46

    Dear nihau, stop making malays look more idiotic than what other people already think. In you’re attempt at making him seem like a loser, you have only shown yourself to be an immature prick that not only lacks the necessary brain power to even think of attempting to at reducing the validity of azzief’s claim that malays are that dense, you have further proven his point in the eyes of the international community and therefore, have made a mockery of us. You give the good malays a bad name and there seems no wonder for the gathering negative sentiments towards the malays, with you being almost a perfect posterboy for this particular blogpost. Please, stop making a fool out of yourself and jump off a cliff. We all know it’s for the best.

    Oh yeah, 2-0 for the author.

  9. Dec 7, 2008 at 00:49

    One word: WIN.

    I just hope he actually understands it. I fear he won’t, and that everything will fly over his head. Which will be a real, real pity.

    But, fear not, I shall provide a translation into Malay!

    Nihau, sila berhenti membuatkan orang Melayu kelihatan lebih bodoh. Dalam usaha[1] kau untuk cuba membuatkan dia kelihatan seperti seorang “loser,” kau hanya membuatkan diri kau kelihatan seperti seorang celaka yang kebudak-budakan dan terlalu bodoh untuk cuba membalas apa yang dikatakan oleh azzief bahawa orang Melayu adalah bodoh dan anda telah berjaya membuktikan hujah-hujah beliau di mata dunia. Kau memburukkan nama orang Melayu dan tak hairanlah orang Melayu sekarang semakin dibenci kerana wujudnya manusia seperti kau yang merupakan contoh yang sempurna untuk post ini. Tolonglah berhenti membuatkan diri anda kelihatan seperti orang bodoh dan silalah lakukan sesuatu yang lebih berpatutan, seperti melintas jalan yang sibuk, tetapi berhenti di tengah jalan itu. Kita semua tahu itu adalah jalan yang paling elok[2].

    [1] Usaha yang ternyata tak berjaya langsung

    [2] Terutamanya untuk dunia ini. Bak kata Mat Salleh, it’s what is called a start!

  10. Comrade Strange
    Dec 7, 2008 at 01:07

    There is a hidden word behind the piece that the author purposely put in to which you’re not getting.

    Its six words and starts with an ‘s’:
    No, the word is not ‘stupid’ like what you are. But I’m not going to tell you it because here’s your shot at redemption but I don’t think you have the sufficient brain capacity to figure it out; a hint: it’s something to do with funny politics and matters. Well, I don’t really have anything to say to you because Comrade El and Azzief himself have already took the words out of my mouth; you’re dense, you’re immature, you’re like what everyone outside the box visualises mainstream Malays to be. Realisation? None, don’t try to be different, God probably has a plan for you already.

    3 – 0, your move.

  11. Dec 7, 2008 at 04:06

    haha , suruh tatap ic? bodoh gila.
    tu ja dah tunjuk dia sgt akur dgn “sistem” kita yg bangang nih.

    ikut hati nk buang ja kot ic tu

  12. akuTAKemo
    Dec 9, 2008 at 01:44

    Kau salah kalau mengatakan melayu yg ko define as a whole is the real picture of malays.tak semua macam tu.
    tapi,
    kalau mengatakan “kebanyakan” melayu
    maka, kau betul tentang melayu.
    memang melayu itu mundur.
    tak maju.malah suka berhasad dengki dan…
    CLOSE MINDED.
    mereka susah nak terima perubahan.jika ada perubahan depan mata,
    maka berpakat pandang pelik. kerana kelompok mereka hanya menerima apa yg sama sejak zaman tok kadok lagi.
    padahal sebenarnye mereka ‘mahu’ juga mencuba kelainan, cuma…
    takut!.
    aku pon tatau kenapa?

    malays are all bad thing u can imagine.but….not as a whole.
    tak semua malays begitu. cuma, kebanyakannye sahaja.kenapa kebanyakan?kerana “kebanyakan” itu tidak pandai melakukan perubahan.
    (chewahh…macam la aku pandai melakukan perubahan)
    aku tanak bunyi seperti berlagak hebat tapi diri sendiri pon kantoi.
    tapi itulah kebenaranye…
    ya…aku definitely agreed thousand percent with u.

    tapi, yg aku disagree is..
    bab agama jgn sentuh la beb.
    agama jgn kutuk.
    ko pon tau kenapa.
    org bukan agama islam yg civilized pon pandai hormat religion org lain.

    jangan gelabah sangat.
    cool sudeyy~

  13. hasni
    Dec 9, 2008 at 13:35

    yeah, akutakemo is rght, about religion is something that nobody can question, or even play about. right? you know why, everybody knows it, even deep down you didn’t want to admit it. :)

    it is just an advice, if you didn’t use the Quran. but you seems to downgraded Islam by this phrase:

    “pertama, tinggalkan kepercayaan lama anda yang bodoh dan sesat itu! lihatlah keliling anda dan fikir: bagaimana lagi dunia ini boleh wujud kalau bukan dicipta oleh allah? sedarlah, wahai umat, dan jangan persoalkan ini lagi! tuhan itu satu, dan namanya allah! tak lain dan tak bukan!”

    i’m not asking you t do anything, but just becareful of what you are writing, and please. its overrated when everybody nowadays are talking about races, religion and etc.

    just go to another topic, sebab sampai habis end of the world pun we won’t get any solution for this. :)

    great skills, in bahasa(even you’re still new to it) and english.

  14. Dec 9, 2008 at 15:48

    The word you’re looking for is “overdone,” not “overrated.” They are two very different things.

    Also, it’s not “downgraded,” it’s “degraded.”

    It’s these little things that people notice, trust me.

    Who said it was about finding a solution? Not me, certainly. I don’t think there ever will be. But these things really get my goat, and thus I write about them. Overdone? Yes. Irrelevent? No. Irrelevence is a much greater crime than writing about an overdone topic.

    I’m not new to Bahasa. I prefer writing in English, but I am not new to Bahasa. Far from it. After all, it is, technically, my mother tongue.

    And why should I (or anyone) not talk about religion? I seek not to offend (well, at least not right now), but have we all devolved to the level of not being able to say anything negative about something just because it’s “sensitive” (pffft) or because many people seem to believe in it?

    I’m glad that the last two comments have actual points and aren’t idiotic ones written by idiots.

  15. Comrade El
    Dec 9, 2008 at 18:44

    Oh dear joy. People with actual brains. But still, words are words and we’re still stuck with the majority of malays being fools. Oh well, at least it’ll change slowly. Hopefully.

  16. akuTAKemo
    Dec 9, 2008 at 21:24

    aku terpanggil untuk reply lagi….get ready to…
    smile :)

    “And why should I (or anyone) not talk about religion? I seek not to offend (well, at least not right now), but have we all devolved to the level of not being able to say anything negative about something just because it’s “sensitive” (pffft) or because many people seem to believe in it?”

    you’ve come to the initial state where, you’re over sensitive about something that eventually relates to ‘something’ you shouldnt be sensitive about.

    my point is ::

    you hate malays for bad things they are perceived as.and you’ve also experienced their bad quality in ur life..
    majority of malays are muslim.
    technically,the tendency for u to “degrade” islam too, is…HIGH.(for islam is related to malays)
    if malays are majority Buddhist,you will definitely exploit buddhism too.
    religion is something people shouldnt exploit.just let alone.let it be.
    malays never shape what islam is.
    malays do not correlate whatsoever in Islamism.
    you just believe in what ur like minded groupie told you.
    now here i told you, what’s real outside the box

    (considering that ur ‘poetry’ here is merely to bash malays and not islam)
    “People do not associate islam with malays.”
    malays are different entity to islam.
    they are not brothers n sisters.

    so…let alone the religion matter.pisahkan islam dengan malays.

    if you see the religion as bad, kerana itu la yg malays buat,
    then they have had exploit the religion as well.
    and you are brainwashed to believe that islam make bad malays.
    thus, in your head : islam and malays are bad n conservative,they shall get rotten in the 2oth century where clothes are unnecessary.

    considering ur poetry here is to bash malays n not islam .(idiotic shall i put?),
    just let alone the islam matter behind.
    it’s not in ur right state to condemn further.unless if you have proven statistical idea.then u may step the boundary.

    oh well, aku bukan saint sangat.
    tapi aku tak boleh kutuk religion.
    kau nak kutuk race boleh.
    but not religion.
    religion itu sacred.
    malays? hah pergi mampos la!ko nak cincang2 pon takpe.
    itu prinsip aku.

    ps:aku tak kisah kalau grammatical error or sentences here n there. as it’s just a language yg tak memerlukan aku check banyak kali seperti aku berhujah di renowned international conference.
    and im not “that” lamer. you know what i mean…

  17. akuTAKemo
    Dec 9, 2008 at 21:32

    anyways…
    u know what…
    u just make a bad malay out of ur self if u recall.
    :) . Typical ‘modern rebellious malay’

    no offense
    :)

  18. Dec 9, 2008 at 21:59

    Well, thank you for putting thought into your comments. Bukan macam, well… yang kat atas sikit tu.

    Thing is, for me, nothing is really sacred. If you want to accept that religion is sacred and immutable, then fine. I’ll try and respect that. To me, nothing is above criticism. Nothing at all. Nothing is that sacred, nothing is that divine, nothing is that perfect.

    And if you want to call me “typical,” then fine. Let your assumption make you feel better, perhaps make you feel some sort of pride in not being “one of them.” Just know that while, for some, this is all a game, a pretension to earn cool points and to be “hard,” this is no game for me.

    I loathe a lot of things, and I am not putting on a front when I say what I say.

    If I was saying all this because of a trend, then I’d be out of it long ago. Because constant hatred and dislike is tiring. But I’m still here. Because this is how I truly feel.

    Am I a bad Malay? Probably. Do I give a fuck? No. I couldn’t care less. If people want to call me “un-Malay,” that’s fine by me, because that’s like calling me an “un-Idiot” and expecting me to be unhappy. I won’t. I’d probably even be happy.

  19. akuTAKemo
    Dec 9, 2008 at 22:47

    it’s good u said there are thoughts lie there.at least, i know u got a functional brain to do what its got to do.
    :) heee.

    and it’s good as well, that you accept my thoughts with ease.
    jangan gelabah sgt kan?
    rilex sudeyy~.

    i also, dont care if u think what i think as sacred is not sacred.
    i think, i improperly used word here.
    change sacred(religion is sacred) to…. religion.
    religion is religion(more like it)
    mesti bunyi macam saint giler kan?tak ah. it’s just, i’ve seen different philosophy in life in every lives i’ve met. i tend to respect.

    ok so i see u dont like to be called malay coz it’s equal to idiot.
    what shall i call u then?
    heee :) . hehe ok kidding. you’re still malay,i know.
    im malay too. i accept the bitter sweet about malays.
    truth is harder to swallow isn it?

    there are people with different ideas and attitude,thoughts and perception.
    that’s what make the earth an interesting place. or else, everyone is moving out to the moon! :)
    where levitation is guaranteed
    ;)

    good luck dalam berfilosofi tentang hidup
    :)

  20. Dec 9, 2008 at 23:14

    Not every Malay is an idiot. But, to me, at least, there are far more idiots than there are people who actually think and can, at least, discuss things properly. The problem is, though, bak kata pepatah Melayu, disebabkan nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga, or something like that. What I’m getting at is that I’ve gotten sick of so many idiotic Malays that I tend to paint with a very wide brush about Malays. The bad ones spoil everything.

    A lot of things I dislike (everything that I mentioned in this entry) seem, to me, to be ingrained in the Malay people and I don’t like that. Mind you, I’m not saying that people of other ethnicities/races are better. For all I know, they’re just the same. But I am deeply familiar with the Malay race, and a lot of the things I see and experience I really, really don’t like.

    I’ll admit, I don’t exactly agree with you on the topic of religion. But I do respect your opinion. And neither of us will be able to convince the other about it, I feel, so let’s use that old cliche and agree to disagree.

  21. hushnow
    Jan 6, 2009 at 15:09

    if i ever come across you with a knife,beware! ill stab you countless times til you beg and scream for ‘god’ ;)

    p/s-thats how offensive i can be when it comes to insult regarding Islam, call me extremist and such :), but have fear for your own life my friend,my advice to you, do respect other peoples beliefs/religion before ‘people like me’ get hostile.

    • Jan 6, 2009 at 19:51

      Thanks for enforcing a stereotype. Once again, an idiot lets his side down. This is fast becoming a regular occurence, this. Might just be an indication of the general level of intellect of certain groups of people, perhaps? A fetishistic obsession with god/religion does that to people, I guess…

      And let me guess: if I’d said “FUCK CHRISTIANITY” you’d be the first person to go “HEAR HEAR, THIS MAN SPEAKS THE TRUTH,” right?

      Stab me however many times you want in your head if it’ll help you get over whatever I say. I wouldn’t want you to lose any sleep, it’d be a crying shame for sure.

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