fork handles

Was out and about today, visiting a few houses, seeing people, talking, laughing, enjoying some great food, the usual. Nothing of note mostly, except for the time spent at this one particular house (the house of—let’s see if I can get this right—my grandmother’s sister by a different mother).

It was a surprisingly enjoyable visit, actually, no doubt aided by the arrival of, uh, I’m not sure what the proper term is, but he was the son of said grandmother’s sister (uncle? once removed or some shit like that?), who seems to be the type of person I occasionally like to be around. Funny, good with his words, lively and generally speaks in English. I sort of “feed off” people like that and enter conversations via some anecdote about something related to whatever said person is talking about. It was enjoyable in the sense that I could be my somewhat usual self (I am so much more comfortable conversing and writing in English, especially if I’m trying to be funny and/or thoughtful and/or sarcastic and/or just, well, not being reserved and guarded about opening my mouth) and also enjoyable in the sense that it was generally fun. And funny. Northerners are noisy, so yes. Noisy too.

Anyway, talk turned to education and my mother, ever reliable, tells the whole group about me mentioning how I felt I’m getting incredibly good at bullshitting without knowing anything and how I’ve mentioned that I’ll probably graduate without really learning, studying and/or knowing anything, which elicited more than a few laughs (and was all true). Said “uncle” then piped up and said something about there being “two types of people” in the world. Those like my mother and my aunt, and those like, well, me (or, at least, he implied that). Or something to that effect.

And, well, it’s true.

You have people who study hard and do degrees in medicine or engineering, those who bury their noses in books come exam time and occasionally still fail to score and then you have fucks like me who go do a degree in English and spend most of their time lazing around at home, whacking off to pornography and playing video games without doing much, if any, studying.

Let’s face it: I spent more time studying for one fucking mid-year/final examination in school than I’ve spent studying over the past year of this degree. It’s glorious, really. I’ve never really prepared for class (hell, even during my presentations I usually wing it and bullshit my way through . . . more on that later), I’ve never seriously studied for exams, I’ve never stressed out on my assignments. Yeah, college life is pretty grand so far.

I’m worthless and lazy, that much is true. I see very little point in slogging to get a 4.0 when I can piss about and get a 3.5 (or thereabouts). Perhaps I will regret this in the long run, but I know which I prefer: pissing about and getting 3.5s. There are better things to do than slogging for a 4.0, dear people. Sure, some of my friends do that, and they usually get better grades than me, but, to paraphrase a line from a Some Girls song, people will be happier with lower standards. In regards to education, I know it’s working for me!

And about the bullshitting: I had a group presentation on Friday morning, and after it ended the lecturer had some words of praise for me, something about how I explained things well or some shit like that. It made me laugh a bit due to the fact that, as you might expect, I hadn’t really prepared for my part in the presentation. I looked at the slides once, came up with some sentences and went to bed early the previous night. I woke up in the morning, got ready, went to class, sat about for a while, and when it was my turn to talk I just, well, shat.

No need to look at notes. No need to read from the slides. No need to prepare. I just step forward and bullshit. I had to do some serious bullshitting in a presentation during my first semester of my foundation programme and I guess I’ve kept that theme, that central concept of shitting my way through most of my presentations intact. I may plan out certain parts (for instance, a particular joke or a particular short sketch) but I’ve never obsessively sat down and written down notes to be read out tomorrow (“presenting” =/= “reading from notes/the slides,” people!), I’ve never sat down and obsessively worried about “oh, how am I going to do this? what am I going to say? macam mana ni?” and things like that.

And it all goes back to the fact that most of the subjects I’ve taken over the course of my foundation programme and this degree have lent themselves incredibly well to the act of bullshitting and having people nod their heads and agreeing with you. Of being able to relax and piss about before the exam, knowing full well that I’ll most probably be able to crap my way through it like Johnny England.

And if this comes off as me being a huge cock and pushing the fact that I am the type of human being that should not be doing as well as he is into peoples’ faces, well . . .


:metal slug victory theme:

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