Home > life and times, purchases, the printed page, thoughts > a man, a plan, a canal: panama.

a man, a plan, a canal: panama.

I bought three books today: Oscar Zeta Acosta’s The Revolt of the Cockroach People, Wang Shuo’s Playing for Thrills and the 15th volume of New American Writing, all for a combined total of RM18. Yes, RM18. Probably the first time the whole mega sales going on have significantly affected the amount of money I’ve had to pay. Pay Less Books have a storewide 50% discount going on, people. What the fuck are you waiting for? Sure, they may not always have the greatest selection, but with a bit of looking you can definitely find some gems. I have.

I managed to finish Garros/Evdokimov’s Headcrusher as well. Really good novel for sure, highlighted with certain moments of manic, delirious genius. Funny, violent, witty and somewhat thought-provoking as well, even if the philosophy is a bit . . . quirky, for lack of a better term. A highly enjoyable read, it was one of those novels where I really couldn’t stop turning the pages.

Aside from books and lots of loud, abrasive music (I’ve recently gotten into Sightings and rekindled my love for Merzbow, much to the chagrin of whomever may be in the bathroom when I’m listening to either), today’s mostly been taken up by a significant amount of confusion and thought. I’m confused about college: what I’m supposed to be doing, where I’m supposed to be, what I want, what I should work towards, all that stuff. Sometimes I find myself at college, alone, and I’ll ask myself: “what the fuck are you doing, man?”, and I find that I honestly can’t answer with any sort of conviction.

And then there’s my feelings towards certain things, places and people. I used to think that I had things figured out—at least, to some sort of reasonable extent—but some events over the past week or so have somewhat thrown that into doubt and left me in a bit of a lurch. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going strong (well, kinda), but you could say that there’s been some sort of turbulence.

I was not prepared for the memories that came back to me when I visited a certain place today, and neither was I prepared for the (admittedly, somewhat silly) things I felt when I texted someone tonight. God knows why I did that, particularly in the fragile mood I was (and still am, for the record) in.

God, I need this feeling of unease to go away. I have a life to live.

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