Home > thoughts > what i learned in the c.o.u.m.

what i learned in the c.o.u.m.

Questions, thoughts, questions, thoughts:

Who’s to blame? The one who lapped everything up and let it get to them, deluding themselves, hoping against hope for something; or is the person who provided those things, set it all up, only to send everything crumbling down with a few choice words? Who’s more deserving of the adjective “stupid?” If either is deserving of the adjective in the first place, that is.

More importantly, was it all a mistake?

During times like these it’s all too easy to blame myself and to lapse into a morass of self-hate and self-loathing. I try not to, and, while I am successful most of the time, there are moments when I’m not. And those moments aren’t much fun, as you might expect. When is self-hate ever fun? Never, that’s when.

However, on the whole, it’s not that bad. I haven’t dislocated any limbs or digits, sprained any muscles or broken any bones. I haven’t changed anyone’s life for the worse. I’ve whinged about my problems and listened to others’. I’ve somehow managed to give some advice and not sound like a complete git. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve had fun. I’ve lost myself in a large crowd and become the centre of attraction in a small one. I’ve been up and I’ve been down, and no, I am not talking about my penis. I’m alive, goddammit, I’m alive. And that’s good enough for now.

Cosmonauta Azzief, non voltarti indietro.

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