epilogue of a car crash

I find myself grappling with an all-too-familiar sense of confusion these days: I’m thinking too much and it’s occasionally having quite the negative effect on me, and not just in terms of an increased (if that were possible) tendency to lapse into intense phases of self-hate and insecurity. Sometimes I find it hard even to fall asleep (not helped, of course, by the fact that I find it hard to fall asleep regardless) or actually concentrate on anything much, and I often have this kinda-sick, uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

It’s not all that great, to be honest, this stuff.

I could never deny that I always think too much, and this whole phase is certainly proof—if more proof was needed—of that fact. I really, really wish I could chill the fuck out but I’m finding it to be quite tough, though, the act of “chilling out.” It sounds quite pathetic but it’s quite true. Most of the time at least.

I feel quite alright at the moment, though. It’s a Friday and I’m just trying to relax. Nearly finished with re-reading Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Just as fun the second time around as it was the first. I might decide to hop over to KLCC (and Kino) or some other bookstore and perhaps see if I can get myself one of the books on my “want to buy/read” list, which would include Kerouac’s On the Road and Dharma Bums, William Burroughs’ Junky and all three from his Nova trilogy, Allen Ginsberg’s Howl, Heller’s Catch 22, Hunter Thompson’s Hells Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga and Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72 and some others I’m sure I’ve forgotten.

So many books, so little money: a situation I’m sure many are familiar with. On the positive side though, I guess I know what books I’ll be buying over the next year or so.

I watched High Fidelity in class on Thursday. We were supposed to analyze characters and make notes of how they developed over the course of the movie, but, really, why lie, I spent most of the time just enjoying it. I’m going to have to write a blog post about it on my other blog (which was created solely for my Creative Writing 1 class in place of a physical journal), so check there if anyone’s interested in reading what I have to say about it. (I don’t know why anyone would be, but who knows?)

Speaking of movies, I finally got around to watching Mulholland Drive a week or so back. What can I say? It’s David Lynch, of course it’s fucking brilliant. The musical score was awesome too, and fit the movie brilliantly. Oh, yeah, reminds me how I should get around to watching Tan Chui Mui’s Love Conquers All. Bought the DVD at Art for Grabs ’08 but haven’t watched it yet. Damn.

But first it might be best for me to focus on my Creative Writing 1 assignment first.

I leave you with a photo:

power
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