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all the footprints you’ve ever left and the fear expecting ahead

I actually finished reading Solzhenitsyn’s One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch today, fittingly, in one day. And in one sitting, pretty much, although I did go from reading it in my room downstairs to reading it upstairs in my brother’s room while I occasionally glanced at him playing through Portal, which seems to be quite an interesting game. And not devoid of humour, too, if the final “boss battle” is any indicator of things.

I enjoyed the book quite a bit. Yes, it is short, but it’s also good. Quite good indeed. Really brings to life what a day in the Soviet work camps was like: the good and the bad, the savoury and the unsavoury, the hardships and the good bits. It’s all there, and is wonderfully presented. Recommended. Now, to find more books of his. After, of course, acquiring Burroughs’ Naked Lunch and Kerouac’s On the Road. Those two take precedence over anything else I feel like I want to buy. Yes, even over Murakami.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, so: I finished reading Camus’s The Plague as well a couple of days back. Certainly worthy of being called a “classic”. Great book. Very thought-provoking and presented some nice ideas but wasn’t actually preachy in any way. At least not to me.

Today wasn’t an especially good day. Had an exam in the morning, and it was probably one of my most unpleasant exam hall experiences ever. My nose was running 20 different kinds of marathons, my head hurt quite a bit, the dull ache in my mouth was still there and I really didn’t know what to answer for two of the questions. And probably screwed up a few more. All in a day’s work, I guess. Next exam’s on Friday, 2nd of May, and is my Introduction to Literature 2 exam. I still haven’t read Hamlet all the way through. Honestly I’m not that keen on Shakespeare. BLASPHEMY, I KNOW.

Spent the rest of the day listening to Spirit of Versailles (AWESOME) and doing nerdy customization work on my desktop. Lots of head-scratching and worried looks.

Cousins came over tonight, much noise ensued, watching various funny clips on Youtube (TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN~) and just cracking jokes and practicing for tomorrow. We’ll be jamming tomorrow, y’see, which will probably do wonders for my fingers but hey, I guess it’ll be worth some pain, as long as I can rock the fuck out. I’ll probably be on drums, which isn’t exactly my preferred role, if I may add, but I do have lots of fun banging on the skins. And it’s good exercise, too, in a sense, so it’s all good.

If there’s one good thing about today is that I somehow managed to get my mind off my current feelings of attraction, save for a very depressing about of it in the car. I’m going to give myself some time to get over this, and if I don’t then I guess something has to be done, regardless of what the outcome may be from said “something”. I don’t want to write any more about it here, so I guess I’ll just leave it at that.

And I really wish I could figure out why I keep putting myself down about everything. About studies, about my work (writing/music), about my personality, about my traits, about my trials and tribulations with attraction (I guess, for this, at least, I’m trying to get myself to just realize that it’s no fucking use feeling the way I do about someone when I’m so fucked up in the first place) and about how I’m going about things in general. As I’ve said before, life is good, but I am not.

Shit, why is it so utterly impossible for me to not write about this shit in one of my entries?

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