Home > life and times, thoughts > so clap your hands to the sound of every first born dying now

so clap your hands to the sound of every first born dying now

I spent the whole day pretty much hanging out at college with friends. It was nice. Had a short class in the morning (don’t get me started on why we all had to wait a bloody hour and a half), where I found out it got 24.25 marks out of a possible 30 for my Language and Media coursework. Not half bad. And I also, somehow, got 44.5 out of 50 for my Business Communication 1 course. I don’t know how the fuck I got that much, but I did. Highest in the class, too boot. I was like, all “whoa that can’t be me!” when a classmate of mine mentioned it, but it is. Haha. Somehow.

I really do like hanging out with my friends. Except for a certain few, but then it’s not like said few ruin my mood or anything. Just annoying, perhaps. But on the whole they’re nice, and they make me feel good, and they’re nice companions. I like them. Some more than others, perhaps, but yeah, I like them regardless. I actually was planning to head over to One Utama today, but I decided that I could do it some other time, and that spending time with friends was a better way to procrastinate on studying for my finals and finishing my short story.

Sometimes I prefer being with people and sometimes I prefer being alone. That’s just natural, I guess. To be honest, I feel much more comfortable being alone when I’m out of the house. Maybe walking about at a shopping mall, maybe reading a book while sipping a drink at a restaurant or cafe or something of the sort. Basically, when I’m out of the house. When I’m at home, though, I sometimes end up feeling quite incredibly alone/lonely and it sucks so, so much. I’m not entirly sure why I feel that way.

It’s funny, sometimes, how when I’m alone I wish I was with other people, but when I’m with other people I wish I was alone. Haven’t been feeling the latter emotion for some time though, as I really do (as I mentioned) enjoy being around my friends.

I’ll try to finish that new short story of mine by tonight. Along with starting to study. Finals are coming and I’m horribly unprepared. As you’d expect, I guess. I’m not even sure what’s my first exam! All I know is that it’s on the 21st, a Monday.

Incredibly fitting that the Off Minor gig is on the 20th. Yeah.

And, really, this is random, but fuck attraction and infatuation man. Fuck liking people (in “that” sense, if you know what I mean), man. Just fuck it all to hell. I’d much rather be able to actually like myself first and foremost before liking other people. At some basic, fundamental, level, I still don’t, though. God knows why, but I still don’t.

How sad is that?

Also, I wish some of my old friends from school would actually reply my fucking text messages. Ugh. When I call, it’s either they don’t bloody pick up or I get the “this number is not in service” shit, and they never reply my messages. Which sucks.

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Categories: life and times, thoughts
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