Home > photos and photography, thoughts > i’m looking down at this mess that you’ve made, and i can’t believe that i stayed so unhappy for so long

i’m looking down at this mess that you’ve made, and i can’t believe that i stayed so unhappy for so long

neues gebäude

I hate being endlessly down about something or someone. I hate being so preoccupied with something to the point of depression. I hate how I never really let myself be happy and just optimistic except in the rarest of situations, regardless of the oft-proven fact that those situations more often than not end up dissapointing me.

And I just don’t like how I feel. This isn’t just about the whole rejection shit, no. Perhaps in some arbitrary way they’re connected, what I’m feeling now and that shit, but they definitely are two different things. Maybe it’s natural, really, this shit I’m feeling. Maybe it’s part and parcel of being a teenager, of being 18.

The . . .

Feelings.

Confusion.

Thoughts.

Desires.

Fears.

elevator lights

Not fun, not fun at all.

I’m acting so fucking silly, yes? So much like a fucking idiot. Like a fucking twat. A fucking prat. Ass. This is the only way I know how to feel. These are the only emotions I know well enough. Anguish, confusion and self-loathing. They’re my bedfellows. My lovers.

Who needs enemies when you’ve got your own demons to battle with every night?

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