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to here knows when

It’s nearly 4am, and I have a class in about 6 hours or so. Somehow I don’t envision myself getting much sleep. And to think that I actually wanted to sleep early tonight. But then a friend of mine wanted to come over to hand over some t-shirts and stuff (new Toni! This Is Sal! t-shirts GET!), so I had to stay up to wait for him. Of course, he ends up staying at my place until about 3am. We practiced the two Offspring songs we’re going to try and play at our next rehearsal/jam, talked and generally made sure that we’d both pretty much be zombies tomorrow.

It’s quite a wonder, you know, how little sleep I can run on most of the time. I already have a HUGE sleep debt as it is, and my habits aren’t helping either. I’ll live to regret my sleeping habits, for sure, one day. Hopefully. I don’t plan to die before I can regret this shit. Haha. Which may be a bit morbid, but hey. That’s me.

Tonight, when IM-ing with a friend, I came (hurr hurr) to the realization that it’s all up to me, really, when it comes to getting over these feelings I (still, kinda) have for that friend of mine. Thing is, she’s not helping me. Nor am I helping myself, what with me deciding to read her Myspaz blog and shit like that. Awesome. Still can’t get over her, apparently, since doing that still makes me feel shitty.

It’s (fucking) silly to expect things to be the same. It’s (also fucking) silly to hope that things haven’t changed. Wishing that things were like how they used to won’t help much. I don’t know if they’ll ever be like that again. They won’t be, not until I’ve sorted myself and my feelings out. At least the ones that involve her.

Just for the record, though, it’s not me that’s expecting and hoping and wishing.

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