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map of the pathetique

Tonight’s one of those silly nights where I want to kick the door with my right foot just to see how much it hurts. Haha. It’s one of those nights where I wish I could climb up a tree and jump off it. Not to kill myself, but just to exorcise (haha, reminds me, I thought of this lame joke the other day. See end of entry!) these feelings of, uh… “grrrr”-ness. Which really makes about as much sense as saying “I want to suck bull testicles while covered in hot sperm,” but yeah.

I wish I could kick myself, you know. It’d probably make it all better, in a way.

There are certain thoughts that, whenever they cross my mind, make me jump out of my chair and shout “fuck!”

All the while wishing I could do those things I mentioned earlier. Or had the guts to. I got no guts, y’see. Pfft. I don’t know how I feel, do I? Which bodes well for the future. Yes yes yes.

“I’m an idiot.”

I say that so often to myself it’s really lost all meaning these days. It’s probably true. In a sense.



Okay, maybe I’m an idiot who takes passable photos.


I’m not actually unhappy. I just have a strong dislike for the way I feel sometimes. And tonight is one of those “sometimes.” You know how it is.

But there are good things in my life, too, right now.

And, oh oh oh, I know the word for how I feel! It’s… I guess, “sheepish.” And I don’t like feeling that way. Feeling that way makes me want to kick things and curse. Haha. It’s stupid. I’m stupid.

But, then again, maybe it’s not “sheepish.” If so, though, then WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?

And there are certain things tonight I wish I hadn’t said. And certain things I thought about saying that I wish I did. Would probably have screwed those things up though, so it’s perhaps better that I just let the thoughts pass.

It’s lovable, confusion. Very lovable.

In the words of James May…

Oh cock.

(Wait, what? The joke? Oh yeah.

An evil, corrupt king decides one day that he needs the help of his friendly neighbourhood dark wizard, right. So he and his men head over to said wizard’s tower and enter. Once they climb the 2,000 steps to reach his chamber at the top of the tower (god knows why he didn’t just make his tower a hut,) they enter his room and see demon upon demon upon demon, pumping iron, running on treadmills and generally acting like steroid-loaded men at gymnasiums.

So the king asks, out loud, “What the hell is going on here!?”

From out of a dark corner, the wizard pops out and goes “Oh, sorry, was just exercising my demons.”



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