Home > thoughts > a deliciously destructive cocktail.

a deliciously destructive cocktail.

Healthy doses of self-doubt and confusion mixed with craploads of boredom make for a very, very dangerous mixture. Today’s been basically a whole day of trying to feel something approaching “ok,” occasionally succeeding at it, but most of the time failing quite horribly at it.

It’s tough when you have nothing to do that’ll get your mind off things. Persona 3 isn’t helping, as it’s an RPG, and, yeah, going around Tartarus levelling up isn’t exactly something that really helps getting one’s mind of things, is it? At least, not until you come across some tough enemies that take a while to take down. And even then I zoned out a couple of times when it was my character’s turn.

I’m one of those people that find it incredibly hard to put certain things at the back of their mind. I try not to think about those things, but I invariably fail most of the time, particularly when I am bored and lonely and not really in the right physical condition to be walking about and going places.

As if it wasn’t bad enough that I’m confused as all hell about myself and these feelings, I’m also starting to really doubt myself. About everything that I am. Who I am, what I think, what I like, what I feel, shit like that.

This is all bollocks, really.

I’m beginning to fear that nothing will save me from myself.

(you know things are shit when not even Sepultura will move you to headbang)

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