Home > life and times, thoughts > with eyes wide open, now we will see.

with eyes wide open, now we will see.

It’s almost a relief that I have something bothering me that actually involves something that is, in part, out of my control — my, ah, somewhat fledgling friendship with a certain female and how I’m beginning to, god forbid, kind of like her. Of course, we’re nothing more than friends as this moment (and will probably stay that way, hopefully) and in Persona 3-speak the Social Link would only be at level 2 or 3, but I’ve still been mulling over things quite a bit recently. I’m not hopeful/deluded enough to think that the feeling is mutual, but that doesn’t really matter, does it? I think I’m starting to fall into that dangerous chasm, and there’s not much I can do about it. Nuh-uh.

There’s really not much I can do right now though. It’s not like there’s a handy FAQ/walkthrough to refer to. And there aren’t going to be any pauses in time with prompts bidding me choose between 2 or 3 different options, one of which will invariably be a very crappy choice. Sometimes I wish life were more like your token Japanese/Console RPG, come to think of it. Turn-based and shitloads of time to ponder over everything. Oh god I can’t believe I just said that.

I came to a conclusion last night (or the night before, can’t remember): I just really like to think things over in my head, go over everything I already know, turn things over and look at them from every possible angle. Like playing around with a coin, tossing it, spinning it, that sort of shit. I guess it just keeps my overly excitable mind occupied. Sometimes I just want to think about something, and hey, I guess that having a beautiful girl involved in it makes this whole mess that much more attractive.

I’m not keen to repeat the whole angst + infatuation-fest that my last experience like this was, though. That’s for certain. That, let me tell you, was about as fun as poking yourself with a needle to see how bad you bleed. Which might be a turn-on for some people, come to think of it. Try keeping it up daily for a year, though. Maybe even more.

Perhaps then it’s not as much fun, eh.

I doubt I’m thinking straight right now, really. In between all this coughing and last night’s sleepless tossing and turning I think I would do well to just lie down and get some sleep, but you know me: 11pm is just too early for that shit! Bad way to think, my man.

In other news, I had a piss about in Football Manager 2008 with Ajax recently. I managed to beat Liverpool in my first friendly, but the real notable result was me getting trounced 5 – 0 by my feeder club, Ajax CT. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my supposedly vastly superior side got stomped by a bunch of blokes whose stats are probably on part with my Under-19s. First half was horrible, they scored pretty much everytime they got a shot in.

Now that, my friends, was a shock. Felt like my feet had just buckled under me and left me lying on the pavement, mouth bloody, teeth knocked out, smiling a wry smile while watching the events unfolding before my eyes.

Well, not really, but you get the idea.

Categories: life and times, thoughts
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