Home > music, thoughts > keep your eye on the beauty in the sky, don’t let the world change your mind

keep your eye on the beauty in the sky, don’t let the world change your mind

I’m a strange fellow. When I’m hanging out with people I more often than not think to myself that I’d much rather be at home, alone, listening to music or masturbating to porn or whatever. When I’m alone at home, listening to music or masturbating to porn or whatever, I oftentimes find myself thinking that I’d really like to be chilling with a couple of friends, talking about stuff and just interacting.

Regardless of how much I dislike some social situations, no matter how much I’d rather be alone and be left to my own devices, the simple fact is that I, like most human beings (I presume) need social interaction and friends. Not because I need to talk or need to listen to someone talk or whatever, but rather because I find that I tend to spend far too much time (90% of the time, probably more) feeling depressed and angsty when I’m alone.

Not because I’m alone mind you, but when.

I can probably survive with a minimal amount of social interaction, but it’d probably take a serious toll on my mental well-being. I like silence, I like solitude, I like keeping myself company, sure, but not when I nearly always feel like an old building collapsing upon itself, which is how I’ve been feeling as of late.

I guess it’s because I get lots of time to think when I’m by myself. I keep re-visiting certain thoughts, certain memories, certain feelings and it always gets me down, without fail. You could probably say that talking with people, hanging out and other social situations are situations that distract my mind and stop it from jumping into every fucking cervasse it sees.

Of course, during those rare moments where I’m truly happy (or have something really good to distract me) I’m perfectly content to be alone by myself.

On quite an unrelated note, Marat‘s 2006 demo is FUCKING INCREDIBLE. Especially the first two tracks. Awesome. Fucking awesome. Incredibly cathartic. And it’s a girl doing vocals. Yes.

Angela Gossow who?

Thanks to Land Animal for providing the link to the demo!

Categories: music, thoughts
  1. you and whose army
    Oct 7, 2007 at 16:56

    lets listen to music and masturbating to porn or whatever together.

    oh shit thats fucking gay.

  2. azzief
    Oct 7, 2007 at 17:33

    indeed! hahaha

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