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scan the skies for signs of heaven.

The Album Leaf’s “In a Safe Place” is perfect music for nights like tonight, where all I want to do is sit back, force my eyes open for “a couple more minutes” and think about the day’s events and about anything else that catches my fancy.

I’m not depressed nor angsty, and while I’m not actually happy (far from it, frankly), I think I quite like where I am now in terms of my emotions. There’s this feeling of cautious optimism going around, I feel, and it’s quite nice.

Negatives abound, of course, but that’s just the way of the world. I try not to pay too much attention about those things, frankly. I don’t really need to be reminded now and again of how much of a loser I think I am, do I?

Wait.

I just did that.

Ah, nevermind that shit. Gotta try and stop being in the dumps so much. After much deliberation and thought, I have come to the conclusion that I’m a nerd. Plain and simple.

No, that’s not a bad thing. I frankly have no problem with it. It’s the real me, and if I can’t accept that fact, then who will? Of course, some (including me, occasionally) would prefer the term “loser”, but I can still be a nerd and not be a loser, right?

Right?

(Frankly speaking though, I’m probably both)

I seem to gain as much fun from writing season reports and showing off my players and recent purchases in FM07 as much as I enjoy playing the game itself, which is probably a bit sad. I’ll be honest, I’ve always liked writing things (except when it involves a lot of creativity and has to adhere to a strict topic) and I like staring at my own blog/forum posts even more than that, sooo…

Yeah. I’ll avoid going into any FM07 talk in this post, although I will say that I finally won my first La Liga title after 5 seasons at Atletico. Missed out on the treble, which was a bummer, but I’m not complaining. Vela is a legend, as is Cristiano Ronaldo.

Uh. There. No more FM.

I might have to put reading both Sholokhov’s “And Quiet Flows the Don” as well as Alan Williams’ “Republic of Images: A History of French Filmmaking” on the backburner (reeeeal “back”) in order to focus on the reading I have to do for my Intro to Lit 1 class — Emily Brontë’s “Wuthering Heights” and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby”. I somehow have a feeling that I’m not going to rip through either in one sitting or so like I did with a couple of books (most notably Coelho’s “The Zahir”) so I presume it’d be best to focus my energies on dispatching one of them as quickly as possible.

Frankly, I was never a real huge fan of the “classics” (except “Dracula”, probably), for reasons I’m not too sure of myself.

Neil Gaiman’s “Anansi Boys” is sitting there on my desk tempting me to start reading it… I fear I might end up not reading anything else (Gaiman’s work does that to me) if I start, though, so I’ll hold off until I get some real free time (end of this semester?)

My educational experience seems to be improving though, since I’m finally starting to warm up to the subjects I’m taking as well as my classmates. While I can (and will) survive without any useful human interaction, in class I just need it due to, well, the occasional mind-numbing boredom I find myself suffering from. Sleep-deprivation-induced, mind you. I think that if I had some sort of a normal sleep schedule and if I got 8 hours of sleep per night I’d find everything a whole lot more interesting.

As it is, I’ve gotten shit-all sleep for 2 Tuesday nights in a row. Hell, I didn’t get any this past Tuesday night. And I had class the following morning!

Somehow somehow, I managed to look, you know, alive? And engage in conversation with a friend too! I was beginning to drift away into darkness at around 12 when I was talking with friends over some drinks. Last time that’ll be happening for a month, yeah.

And, just as an added bonus:


The scruffiness of my beard accurately reflects the scruffy nature of my mind and mental state during most of the day.

And though most of the night, too.

(Yes, that is a fauxhawk. THE SHAME)

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