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in & of descending stairs

I really hate this.

Classes started this week and here I am, clueless about what subjects to register for. Trying to figure out what subjects to take, what sections to enter (if applicable) and making sure nothing overlaps and turns into a huge bore-fest for me.

Just pisses me off, frankly.

I’m horrible at important decisions, and even more horrible at them when I have to make them all by myself. Yes, that’ll probably prove to be a major problem for me in the future, but I frankly need someone else alongside with me when making decisions, if only for me to shout at and generally vent my frustrations to.

I hate all the logistics, credit hours, the rush to “have” to do it within 3 fucking years, etcetc.

I don’t fucking know, man. I guess I never really cared about all that stuff and just took things for granted back in school. I was never one to organize my time properly, and I still don’t. I enjoy myself for as long as I feel like it and study whenever I start feeling guilty, and that doesn’t happen often. I never dedicate any time for anything, I do things on a whim, at the drop of a hat.

Sometimes I wish I had an affinity for planning, for organization.

The thing with me is that I want to start organizing myself and how I spend my time. I want to improve myself and change, but I can’t be bothered to actually do it. In other words, I’m taking the path of least resistance here, which would be, well, doing nothing.

Okay, so other people may complain, but it’s not like I’m making an effort and they’re complaining about it, so I couldn’t really care less, could I?

Somehow, someday, I’ll make my mark on this world via my indecisiveness and cluelessness. Whether it’ll make me famous or infamous is another thing altogether, though. Mark my words, my readers. Mark my fucking words.

I’m afraid even reading Coelho won’t get me out of this mess.

And to think I wrote an entire assignment about aspects of myself that needed improvement and how I planned to go about making improvements in said aspects.




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