Home > thoughts > life is money. life is death.

life is money. life is death.

I’ve made a lot of important decisions in my life via the method of saying “no” to most of my options and picking the only option that I do not have some sort of aversion to. I’ve always known what I don’t want, but never what I actually do want.

Case in point: my education. I certainly don’t know if a degree in English is what I really want to do. It’s probably a “natural choice” and it certainly won’t result in me feeling a physical feeling of disgust when studying it, but I always end up asking myself “What else is there? What else do you think you want to do?”

The answer, of course, is “nothing.”

Nothing at all.

I have no passion for anything aside from videogames, music and apathy (the greatest irony, yes?) but I am quite sure that I don’t want to study music or computer programming/science or whatever. They’re hobbies, ways for me to pass the time, and that’s that. Studying the theories and concepts behind the “magic” just doesn’t appeal to me.

I don’t know. I just don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’ve been closing doors and erecting walls left, right and centre without actually knowing what it is that I’ve blocked out. Probably won’t ever know either.

Thought that spending a year doing this foundation course would do me good and help me find my “thing.” Haha, hasn’t happened. I’m as clueless as I was a year ago, I’ve learnt nearly nothing in the past year and my parents are now three thousand-ish bucks poorer. Hooray for me.

Fuck, I’m angsty. Pardon me.

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