Home > thoughts > remember that i tried, remember that we all tried. maybe this time the words will make sense.

remember that i tried, remember that we all tried. maybe this time the words will make sense.

I wish I had something mindless to do. Everything I like (or try to) doing these days seems to take quite a toll on my mental faculties and it’s burning me out. Whether it’s cursing at Football Manager 2007 or dodging guards in Metal Gear Solid 3, I nearly always find myself worse off (usually more mentally tired) than I was before I started playing it. No doubt, if things go my way I’ll enjoy playing, but after I save and quit, or after I turn the PS2 off, I get this strange feeling of tiredness.

Everytime I decide to play some more I always hesitate, particularly due to that fact that no matter how enjoyable I find tranqing guards or watching my team play like a bunch of idiots (not that I do, mind you) it’s always.. tiring. Fun or no fun.

I tried to read some more today, just didn’t work out.

I doubt I’ve been taxing myself at all mentally either. Perhaps it’s a lack of mental fitness that’s plaguing me, rather than my current past-times being far too tiring. It doesn’t help that I haven’t even bothered to try and make my mind work either. Studying? Pfft.

I get far too “into” games too. I curse, I get pissed, I celebrate. some people just don’t understand how it happens, and I don’t understand why it doesn’t happen to some people. Of course, some of those “some people” instead decide to watch some random TV series and “root” for a certain character or another, which seems quite stupid to me.

I like success, I like winning, but I don’t seem to want to wade through shit and mentally-draining processes in order to achieve that. In other words, I seem to want good things without having to make any sort of effort. Frankly, that’s total bollocks.

So what do I do now? Try and change? Make an effort?

Pffffffffft.

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