Home > life and times, thoughts > she’ll sell you the road, but she won’t point the way home.

she’ll sell you the road, but she won’t point the way home.

The Internet’s been pretty fucking slow lately. Doing anything much aside from refreshing the same few pages over and over with the occasional random link would result in me going “what the fuck is this shit” everytime, without fail. Things took a turn for the better on Friday-ish, but speeds have dipped since then. Still not as slow as it was for the majority of last week though.

Probably the main reason I haven’t really bothered to write a new entry in this here (pretty lonely) blog.

I’ve been procrastinating incredibly these past few days. I still need to send my letter to the editors of two newspapers (for my Critical Thinking class), and I missed the deadline for my Business Ethics forum. I have to say that I’m really quite relaxed though. Procrastination calms me down or something.

There’s a bigger issue at hand though — my inability to write something satisfactory when I really need to. I spent days on that letter. Wrote a lot but deleted a lot more. That forum assignment also suffered the same fate, except I didn’t actually manage to finish it. For the letter I just pulled shit out of my ass and wrote it up in around 30 minutes. Needless to say, my lecturer said it was a “good letter.”

My shit is, apparently, someone else’s gold.

The problem might not lie in an actual inability to write, but rather, my high standards — standards which I probably can’t meet 80% of the time. I’ve always been a really harsh critic of myself (and my music, my writing, &c.) and perhaps this whole “I can’t write!” bullshit is another manifestation of that.

I still remember putting a shit (at least, I thought it was) assignment together for my Introduction to Lifelong Personal Development class in my first semester and being pleasantly surprised that I got an “A” for it, along with words like “an enjoyable read” and “very good” written by my lecturer.

Much like some of my blog entries, I used the same sentence structure a lot of times, only replacing one or two words/phrases when needed. It read like something a 13-year old would write. A 13-year old who almost exclusively structured his sentences based on a lower-intermediate level English book.

I thought it was shit. My lecturer liked it. My friends liked it.

I played my guitar at home for the first time in a very long time. Came up with a song, which I thought was pretty fucking cool. Tragedy-esque d-beat, but different. Or something.

Playing it again tonight, it felt distinctly… mediocre. Elicited an unpleasant physical reaction as well, although I attribute that to the irritating weather today. Incredible humidity accompanied by occasional heavy rain. Basically, :humid: -> :rain: -> :humid: -> :rain: -> :humidasfuckgrrrrr:

New desktop:

Previous one lasted just a bit longer than a week. Whoo yeah.

Categories: life and times, thoughts
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