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For some strange reason I decided to listen to the To Zanarkand track from Final Fantasy X tonight. I still find it amazingly beautiful, but I’ll be damned if I don’t feel like kicking myself for doing so. And, for some other strange reason I decided to read a bit of the lines from the game script that’s on GameFAQs.


The game wasn’t that great. It was probably a bit sucky. But, like certain badly-written novels I found myself playing it on and on until the end because I really liked the story. Yeah, Tidus is a whiny fag, but I managed to endure him just because of the story. I didn’t really get all the Zanarkand-business and the theories of Zanarkand being 1000 years in the future or past or whatnot, but I was truly moved by the story. And it drove me on and on. Also, I could just save, turn the game off and go wander around in real life looking for random encounters to advance on my personal sphere grid of suckiness and angst instead whenever Tidus got on my nerves.

Ah, angst. Angst. Probably why I spent so much time lost in the world of FFX. Not just any angst, either. Female-related angst. The horror.

Probably the reason I really identify FFX with angst is because the girl I liked (and was angsting over) was also a huge Final Fantasy fan, and over the course of the game I somehow ended up identifying Yuna with her. I know it’s crazy, but as I read certain parts of the game script, I’m finding that I still do. No shit.

I guess my teenage angst-filled mind made connections between “our” story and the story between Tidus and Yuna, although looking back, it took a hell of a lot of over-exaggeration to turn 800km and an insurmountable gap in academic capability into the “I love you but I can’t be with you” situation with Tidus.

Hell, it was just a really strong “like” for me. Not even love.

I don’t think I want to totally re-visit those days (god knows I’d probably end up erasing this whole entry if I were to do so) but I find it really interesting how many feelings and memories a single song can bring back, and not just of a game. It’s like the game became intertwined with my life during that period. Sounds pathetic, but it seems to be true.

I also remember playing the game with a cousin of mine (fellow RPG fanatic) beside me, watching on and discussing boss battles and stuff, and those moments, unlike those involving the aforementioned female, are fond memories. We haven’t done that since, come to think of it. Life’s changed and while we’re still in contact things just don’t happen like they do. Both of us are in uni now and we’re not schoolkids anymore, no sir.

Somehow, I feel that someone somewhere out there will read all of this and scoff. Valid reaction, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to try and be “manly” all of the time.

This is totally unrelated, but early on in the semester I was hanging out on campus when my lecturer came up to me and asked me why I looked so sad. I said I wasn’t sad, and that I was (perhaps) deep in thought. She said I didn’t look “deep in thought”, I looked sad. Plain sad.

Unhappy sad, mind you. Not pathetic sad.

Categories: thoughts
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