Home > thoughts > oh! great pacific.

oh! great pacific.

I’m still lost.

It would seem to be the truth, as even though I’m doing something with my life right now, I still don’t know whether I really want to do this or whether I’m just doing this because I had to do something and this was really the only option that appealed to me.

My foundation programme (foundation programme in management) should come to an end in August (if I don’t fail and have to repeat any subjects) and while I’ve been saying that I plan to do a degree in English, I honestly don’t actually know if I want to do it. Even the decision to do this foundation and then do a degree in English was a decision made due to pressure from my family (“decide. now. or else”) and the “fuck this shit, whatever man” mindset I was in.

I should try and take a step back to look at my life and try and find some order and purpose other than the mindless routine of sleep, breakfast/lunch/dinner, classes and wasting away in front of this computer. Weekly jam sessions are probably the only real highlights.

But, then, what do I want to do with my life?

I don’t know the answer to that.

There are things in this life that I love (music, mainly) but I just don’t think I want to study that stuff, or even try and make a living out of it. Particularly due to the fact that while I may love the stuff, I don’t think I’m any good at it. I don’t think I’m particularly good at anything, in fact. Aside from procrastinating. And writing a lot without actually making a solid point or statement.

I don’t know how to end this post. The IM convo I’m having with this girl I used to like in school is also at a stand-still.

I don’t think I’ll ever say this again (I might even disown this particular paragraph later in life) but damn, I’d really love having a g/f now.


Jam session tonight. Kasi ABCD-beat satu aaa!

Categories: thoughts
  1. Mayu
    Apr 19, 2007 at 10:28

    Maybe you’re a family man but don’t know it yet. But as for your skills, I think you have very good English. You could be a useful translator. I think they get paid a lot.

  2. zulaila
    Apr 22, 2007 at 18:22

    hey there…
    i was just browsing around last.fm profiles then i stumbled onto yours..i’ve always have this habit of looking at other ppl’s blog (my life is oh so uninteresting!), hehe…
    i think i can relate to this particular entry..i am now studying diploma in graphic design which is to me is quite a gamble..i mean, i love designing, i love art..but i couldn’t imagine myself doing it full time..so, i thought of pursuing my degree in english since its the only subject i never failed to get an a on…and i have thought of taking up music..but i think music is more towards feeling it rather than studying it…gosh, i don’t make sense, do i?okay, nvm..in retrospect, i know what u’re going through dude =p

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