she bangs the drums

Fact: Once I fall out of the whole blogging rhythm I find it a real chore to get back into it. Doesn’t help that there hasn’t really been anything noteworthy going on in my life recently either. So, yes, that would probably explain the lack of updates and posts here that possess, you know, actual content. Yeah.

To be honest I’m not sure what I want to write about right now, even.

I’ve been writing quite a bit recently. Experimenting with various techniques and styles, including a near-total lack of punctuation in my short vignettes. Not bothering with capitalization and all that shit is really quite conducive to freewriting, I find. I feel more comfortable with this new style/approach of mine (both the “no punctuation” and literary minimalism-whatevershit) and the content I’ve been writing about (slightly twisted, perhaps, slightly odd, maybe, that sort of thing) as opposed to my previous, older stuff, which was more flowery and perhaps dragged on a bit too much and dealt with some cliche topics.

I’ll probably post that new stuff later on somewhere down the line. I’ve let a few friends read the stories/scenes/pieces/vignettes and they’ve been quite positive about it, which is good. Helps with my fragile self-esteem. A bit, at least. Haha.

Life’s been quite alright, tempered by some painful bouts of depression and self-loathing. Been feeling down the past couple of days but I guess I’ve come out of it and I’m trying to be ok for a bit. Look at things from a slightly different perspective. Not be such a god-damned pessimist. But then hope and optimism, it really isn’t my thing either. As strange as it may sound, I don’t really understand that shit. Somehow I just can’t.

It occured to me recently that the three things I hoped would happen or go right this year haven’t. Two have gone down the shitter and one seems like it won’t turn out as alright as I hoped it would. If it turns out to be anything at all, that is. Hooray for hope and optimism.

And, in closing, if I may be allowed to state a painfully obvious fact, I have to say that attraction really is a mixed bag of everything.